The Mommy Reel

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Mommy's "Murphy's Law" (from personal experience)

Law #1: The day you forget to bring an extra baby outfit will be the day your infant has a blowout...in the middle of church.

Law #2: If you sweep and mop the floor, your two-year-old will fill his pockets with sand and visit each room in the house before you finally notice.

Law #3: The day you introduce your husband's office manager to your infant will be the first day your infant spits up a quart of milk. Not on you, of course.

Law #4: If you go to the trouble of planning a shopping trip, getting a babysitter, shopping for all your groceries and sending all said groceries through the check out, you WILL leave your wallet at home.

Law #5: If you have had a long day and the house is a mess, your husband will walk up to you at 6:59pm and casually say, "By the way, I invited our friends over for dessert tonight."

Law #6: If you scour the sand box for your neighbor's cat poop, you can count on your one-year-old to find the one piece you missed.

Law #7: You will begin receiving compliments and freebies for your pregnancy...but only when you're not pregnant.

Law #8: The day you are a stressed out mess will be the day your toddler tells you that most of the time you look funny, but today you look like a princess.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Daddy's Lullabye

Dave: This little piggy went to...um, this little piggy...Sara, I forgot the tune!

Me: There is no tune.
Dave: Oh. Ok.

Dave: How about Mary had a little lamb...I forgot that tune, too!
Me: Ha ha! I'll let that one drive you crazy for a little while.

Dave: Hm. Mary...Mary had a...Mary had a little lamb...and a wee little lamb was he!

Me: Nope.

Dave: Fine.

Dave: I got it! Mary was a tub of lard, tub of lard, tub of -

Me: Honey, don't sing that! They'll learn it that way and then they'll sing it to their friends.

Dave: But look. It worked. All thanks to fat Mary.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Heeeeere Come Grandma and Grandpa!

Me: Mom, what is all this stuff?
Mom: Oh, some clothes I cleaned out of my closet, some home school stuff...

Mom: And this. I bought it for the boys.
Me: Mom, we don't have room for that!

Mom: Honey, we don't have room for things like this at our house.

Dad: Get back here, you little fart!

Me: Dad, they're not supposed to say that!

Me: What's in your mouth?
George: Doughnuts!

Me: Mom, they already had doughnuts.
Mom: Oh, ok. I'll get out the ice cream bars.

Dad: Honey, I've told you before - if you clean out your lint filter regularly your dryer will work much better.

Dave: Time to say good night to the kids!

Mom: Good night, sweeties.

Dad: Good night...little farts.

Me: Dad!!

Thursday, September 20, 2012

The Phone Call

Me: Hi, honey. Everything's fine, but...there's a HUGE bug in the house.
Dave: What kind of bug?

Me: A praying mantis. He's on the back door.
Dave: Ok, I can't come home for a praying mantis.

Me: Yeah, I know. It's ok, you can take care of it when you get home. He's trapped for now.
Dave: What did you do?

Me: Well, I put a bowl over him, but then I got too scared to do anything else. So...

Me: I taped it to the glass.

Dave: .................

Me: So...he's waiting for you.

Dave: You know they can't hurt you.
Me: I know that.

Me: But they have so many legs...

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Date Night - Take 2

Me: So where are we going to eat?

Dave: I hope you don't want to eat at Chipotle. I hate that place.
Me: What??? How can you HATE Chipotle?

Dave: Everything they make is so...fresh. I like to know my meat has been sitting out on a rotisserie for 12 hours. Besides, no one can pronounce it. Chipot-al. Chipot-lee. Chipittle.