Having Kids Close Together

We have been blessed to have our children close together. It's not something I can recommend or not recommend because everyone's personality is different. But for us, it's been a blast...a blast AND a challenge. My hands are always full, my ears are often ringing, and it's a gaurantee that my floors are strewn with dinosaurs. (Yep, just checked.) When you have children close in age it can be hard to tell from their behavior who's actually older. Our middle child likes to think he's the oldest. For example...



..he likes to supplement my discipline. I heard William screaming on time out the other day, only to find George beating him with a plastic hammer. Apparently he thought my choice of punishement was insufficient. I guess "Don't kick a man when he's down" hasn't worked it's way into our training yet. Often from the other room I hear:



George: Sit down, William!
William: No. I will not obey you, George.



William: Ouch! Mommy, my hair!!!

But William is not quick to give up his big brother role. While George (2) is more of a dictator, William (3) is a teacher and a comfortor.



George: Itchy!
William: There's nothing we can do about it, George. Take a vitamin.

A benefit of having three babies close together is that sometimes they can interpret for each other.



George: Baby sad.
William: He's scared. He thinks Mommy's head looks like a wolf.

But sometimes I'm the only one around to interpret and I'm not quite prepared for what I hear. Like when William was making up silly words and landed on a real swear word by mistake.



William: Peter, you little b******.

(Yes, I promise that one was an accident. So if you ever hear him say it again...it's NOT an accident.)

Our kids have had to become independent more quickly since there's always a baby to take their place. We are enjoying the benefits of this. They are learning patience and sharing from an early age. They also have to share Mommy's time. Sometimes when my hands are full George takes it upon himself to answer his own questions.



George: I jump on the bed, Mommy?
Me: Well -



George: Sure, George!

I honestly can't keep up with all the questions, requests, stories, etc. they throw at me all day long. Everyone says to soak up this time, which is what I try to do, but sometimes it's more like drinking from a fire hose. At times all I can do is stand quietly in one place while toddler antics swirl around me.




William: Messiah just called. He's coming to fix the light bulbs.



George: Mommy! Mommy! Elmo POOPED!

It doesn't matter how much they make my head spin every day. When they're in bed at night I can't wait to hear what's on thier minds when they wake up the next day.



Me: Did you have a good night's sleep, William?
William: Yep. I slept for three hours. I dreamed about donkeys. They were sisters.



William: But I'm feeling really pregnant today...

Parenting little ones close in age definitely requires teamwork. Dave jumps in when he can...or whenever I let him. Sometimes you just know when the "help" will create more work for you in the end.



Dave: Would it help if I made dinner tonight?
Me: Oh, honey...no.



Dave: Yeah, I guess me making dinner is like you giving directions - painful for the other person to watch.

They are just getting old enough for us to start reaping the biggest benefit of having kids close together - they are best friends. I just heard William, from sitting on the toilet, call to George to come give him a hug. (I intervened when I realized he was also trying to help George up onto his lap.) They look out for each other and they miss each other when they are apart. They are thick as thieves, in the good and the bad. "A strand of three cords is not easily broken." (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

When Moms Turn Into Grandmas

If you're like me, you grew up with a wonderful, loving mom who raised you with a firm but tender hand. She taught you manners, meticulously monitored what you ate, and never accepted disrespect. Tantrums were not tolerated. Bed time was not a game. I didn't eat a pop tart until I was a teenager. And then something strange happens. This woman you THINK you know becomes...a grandma.



Mom: I never let you guys eat this kind of cereal when you were growing up.
Me: So...WHY are you feeding it to my children?
Mom: (giggle)

My mom's parenting skills look very different when applied to her grandchildren. Actually, it's a whole new skill set altogether.



Mom: Honey, let me help you. Grandma knows how to help William obey.



Mom: William...do you want some candy?

Seriously - who is this woman??? We only saw candy on holidays or as a special treat at the movies. Now I think my mom wears pockets just so she can stuff them with gum and candy for the grandkids. Sometimes it appears out of no where...like she has magical grandma powers. It's kind of scary.

Have you ever seen a grandma shopping at a store WITH her grandkids? Watch out. She will snatch a toy right out of your hands. She'll grab the french fry out of your mouth. If the kids' eyes twinkle at it, she will get it for them. The kids (ages 7 months, 2, and 3) have been pretty well trained not to ask for toys and treats at the store. They have even started to enjoy looking at toys and leaving them behind. Again, something my own mother taught me when we were growing up. But when they are with Grandma all they have to do is look at something, or point, and BOOM - it's in the cart. My mom mentally buys them toys even when we're NOT in the store.



Mom: We need to go buy more dinosaurs.
Dad: Shouldn't we just teach them how to share?




Mom: .....No. They need more dinosaurs.

Don't think I haven't tried to use this to my advantage. ("William, tell Grandma you want a gift card to Starbucks for Christmas. Star-bucks. Say it.")

Discipline looks very different from a grandma's perspective. Especially when she thinks her grandkids are perfect.



Me: I don't know what to do with William today. He is being really disobedient.



Mom: Maybe he doesn't really mean it, honey. Maybe he's just trying to tell you how he feels and he doesn't have the right vocabulary yet.

No, I'm pretty sure he really wanted to disobey. My mom went through the three-year-old stage four times and this is her conclusion? My parents never undermine our disciplne when we are with them, but sometimes we're just not quite on the same page.



Me: William is being fussy so he needs time out for a few minutes.



Me: Mom! Are you giving him a doughnut??
Mom: What? He stopped fussing so I thought it was okay.


The reality is, there is nothing like Grandma's love. My mom only sees the kids about once a month, but I send her pictures, videos, and texts every day. I always dreamed about sharing this experience with her and I always dreamed I would be the kind of mother she was to me. I still seek her advice and encouragement daily. Even though at times she seems out of control with giddy grandma love, she would do anything to protect her grandkids. She would lay down her life for them. I just wish she would lay down less doughnuts.

Mom Interrupted

Unfortunately, it has been one of "those" weeks. You know, the ones where motherhood is less like a warm hug and more like a slap in the face. We had all of the ingredients for chaos on the home front: just got home from a long trip, winter cold season finally hit our house, baby got shots, the three year old was having major mood swings, two birthday parties, etc. I fought all week to get things back to "normal." In retrospect, if I had accepted this new "normal" instead of fighting for the old one, I would have had a better week. When I start my day intent on specific goals (like laundry and dinner) everything that competes with those goals feels like an interruption. The sweet things don't feel like interruptions as much as the messy ones. For example:



William: Hi, Mommy! I'm off to fight the bees. Would you like to come watch me?

A sweet request. Not an interruption. As opposed to:



Me: Uh oh, Georgie. Your boots are dirty. Go outside and stomp on the rug.



George: NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

Now I have an interruption on my hands. But it only feels that way because cleaning up mud and disciplining a toddler aren't pleasant. That wasn't on my list.

When we're getting ready to go somewhere it's easy to have "Get there on time, get there on time, get there on time," racing through my head like a broken record. That's exactly what happend this week:



Me: Hurry, hurry everybody. We're running late.



George: Mommy, don't feel good...

The goal should remain broad: take care of little hearts, minds, and bodies. Then, when I'm cleaning vomit off the car seat instead of reaching my destination on time, I'm not caught off gaurd. That's exactly what I was supposed to be doing. Ultimately the kids don't find peace in a tight, orderly schedule as much as they find peace in a happy mommy. These events aren't interrutions to my life. The interruptions ARE my life.

Training Hearts

Potty training. Using a spoon. Drinking from a cup. I thought those things were tough, but they don't hold a candle to training your child's heart. It's non-stop around the clock and you never know when opportunity will strike. Sometimes I rush so quickly to a discipline issue that I leave an assortment of strange items in my wake: a pan of cold bacon grease on the school desk, a bag of frozen ground beef in the bathroom. No, I'm not crazy. I have toddlers. It's truly a physical and emotional balancing act. Be consistant, but felxible. Be firm, but not harsh. Thankfully, there is a never ending source of grace to meet us each day.

Grace is actually a concept we have been trying to weave into our training recently. Our oldest is three, so it's hit and miss...

Me: William, you were fussy this evening, but I decided you can have a cookie anyway. That's what grace is - getting something you don't deserve, just because I love you.

William: YEAH! I can do what I want and still get cookies!

Sometimes Dave takes a different approach to discipline than I do.

Dave: George, there's no need to drop your food. I am perfectly willing to listen to your complaints if you voice them in a reasonable, logical manner.

(Sometimes they simply don't feel like being logical.)

They also don't understand the concept of "tough love" very well...

Me: William says I make a really mean face. Can you believe it?
Dave: Wow! ...I've actually known that for some time.

I've started the "repeat what I said," but it just doesn't work when you're one year old -

Me: Stop bothering your brother.
George: Hi, Mommy.
Me: George, are you listening? Stop bothering William. Stop bothering...who?
George: Pooh.
Me: No! Stop bothering WILLIAM. Stop bothering who?
George. Winnie the Pooh.

Me: (sigh). Just go play. Bother whoever the heck you want.

Well, tomorrow's a new day with brand new training opportunities. And plenty of new grace.

Christmas 2012 - Thompson Style

We just got back from a wonderfully refreshing time in northern CA with my family. The Thompson's are a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants type of family. They can have a good time anywhere. Throw three kids ages three and under into the mix and it's an instant party. There were seven adults and three kids in one house for eigtht days. The sleeping arrangements were...interesting.

We had one kid on either side of us. I knew the one-year-old talked in his sleep, but WOW. He's almost as active asleep as he is awake. The baby slept in my parents' closet. He normally sleeps for 12 hours, but the day we arrived he decided to start his two week growth spurt. He woke everyone up in the wee hours of the morning - EVERY morning. Sorry about that, Mom and Dad.

One of the best parts of the trip was spending time with my sister Rachel from Oklahoma. We went out to coffee and talked until we couldn't breath. There's nothing ordinary about my sister. Even a basic converstaion with her can be interesting:

Rachel: Do you have a bottle of asprin? I'm getting a headache.
Me: Sure.

Me: Here you go.
Rachel: What's this for?
Me: Um...didn't you JUST ask me for some asprin?
Rachel. Oh. Yeah.

Me: Wow.
Rachel: Oh my gosh, Sara. There's a lot going on. Don't judge me.

She's not the only one. My parents are out of control. I know they resisted buying as many toys as they wanted to, but somehow we still came home with half of Toys R Us. Maybe it wouldn't have been so much if they hadn't ALSO bought them toys when we were out and about.

Me: Mom, where did they get those trains?
Mom: They didn't want to put them down, honey.
Me: So...you bought them?
Mom: I couldn't resist!

I guess it's okay for Grandma and Grandpa to break the rules. Besides, if they did, William was right there to remind them. He's the rule police everywhere we go.

"We don't say hate."

"We don't say butt."

"We don't refer to Santa as a satanic materialist who teaches works righteousness and must be destroyed."

In general the kids handled the festivities surprisingly well. The one-year-old was the one we had to watch the closest. Within five minutes of waking up from his nap he had -

- opened presents that weren't his and eaten cat food. But that seemed to satisfy his curiosity and he was a little easier after that. In general they were content and thankfull little boys throughout the trip. They loved spending time with thier relatives and they enjoyed thier gifts. Although, when all was said and done, the gifts they enjoyed the most were -

- the ones they could hit Grandpa with. Those turned out to be the punching baloons from Uncle Matt and wrapping paper tubes.

We came home exhausted but with full hearts.

I figure if I unpack a bag a day starting today I might be done by Valentine's Day. I'm in noooooooo hurry.

Bedtime Routine

Bedtime. Just when the day is supposed to be winding down, I have to muster up every last ounce of energy I have left and plunge into the bedtime routine. Before kids the day would end all by itslef. Now we have to force it to come to a close, armed with milk, jammies, books, kisses, and tons of patience.

First, bathtime. Bathtime doesn't happen every night. Actually, since having baby #3, we only bath the children when they are going to be out in public for a significant length of time. So don't show up unannounced.

After bathtime I lay towels down to soak up the flood of water on the floor and hustle the kids into their room for jammies. If I don't act fast, someone will pee on the floor - usually within about two minutes. Sometimes bad attitudes flare up around this time of night and someone winds up on time-out. George loves time-out. The last time I went to check on him I found out why.

They are not technically supposed to bring toys with them to time-out, but I can't really blame him - considering I have forgotten he was there more than once...

Another tactic I've been using lately for bad attitudes is imitating the kids to show them how aweful it sounds when they fuss.

This is also quite effective. The fussing stops instantly. They are either thinking, "Wow, we sound terrible when we fuss," or, "Our mother is crazy. Let's obey so she doesn't eat us." Either way, it works.

Time for the pass off. Right about the time the kids go to Daddy, the baby wakes up. I get some one on one baby snuggle time while Dave reads to the kids.

I rejoin the other two when it's time to get tucked in. No fussing this time. The kids actually love going to bed. I bust out "I've Got Joy Like a Fountain" at the top of my lungs. It doesn't help the headache, but it's their nightly request.

Before turning off the lamp and starting the baby lullabye CD, I check in with the three-year-old's potty routine. If he skips it he will be up at all hours of the night.

Me: Did you go potty, William?
William: Sorry, Mommy. The poop was not available.

Me: (sigh)
William: I make you tired.

I close the door to the sound of their sweet voices comforting each other in the darkness. I check on them after they fall asleep and straighten their covers, lay their stuffed animals next to them, and tuck in arms and legs hanging over the bed or through the crib slats. No matter how exhausting it is, I know this is the part of thier childhood I will treasure the most.