First Time Moms: 5 Reasons to Relax

"So, what do you DO all day?"

You know those words. Not just because you've probably been asked this, but because you've SAID it (or at least thought it) before you were a mom. Can you remember that far back - before you were a mom? It's actually very hard for me to do, and I've only been a mom for four years. But when I reach back into that distant other life I can see my haggard friend, hair in a messy ponytail, baby over her shoulder. As she absently wipes at some spit-up on her sleeve she says, "I've NEVER been this tired." It confused me...and scared me. The secret life of motherhood was shrouded in mystery. I knew it turned sober women into raging caffiene addicts and sane women into puddles of irratational emotions. But I didn't know why - until I finally went behind the veil and saw what it was all about for myself. Wow. Suddenly it all made sense. Right now I'm going to go back in time to when I had my first baby and give myself a pep talk. Ah, the first baby. That's when mommies are in desperate need of a pep talk. If you've just had a baby or are about to have a baby, feel free to listen in.

First: The ups and downs are NORMAL. Some days will look like this:

Other days will look like this:

Of course you are thrilled to have this glorious new miracle in your life, but don't feel bad if your initiation into motherhood feels similar to being hit by a semi. If you are so tired you can't think straight, haven't showered in a week, and can't remember the last hot meal you had, you are probably doing an excellent job. It means you are sacrificing yourself - mind, heart, and body - for another. This is what love looks like. It's messy. It's uncomfortable. It's indescribably rewarding.

Second: You're not alone. The infant stage is a very lonely time for Mommy. You are up at hours of the night which no living soul should be exposed to. You forget what it's like to converse with adults. And well-meaning comments from others make you feel even lonelier:

"Enjoy every minute of it! It goes by so fast."

"I bet you never knew you could be this happy."

The truth is, these people have been through it, too. But infancy is such a short phase that they forget how intense it is - and you will, too! These comments can make you feel like no one really understands what you're going through. Just nod and smile and tuck it away into the "What not to say to new moms" folder in your brain.

Third: One day your baby will be independent. This is a bittersweet thought. My firstborn is now four. He can dress himself, feed himself, use the bathroom on his own, and entertain himself for hours. But this is what I remember from when he was an infant:

Repeat. 24 hours, around the clock. Babies are born 100% dependent. But that percentage drops a little as time goes by - 99%, then 98%, then 97%.....until the day they are completely independent of you. Every single task you do for your baby now will drop off one at a time until they are adults and there is nothing left to do for them. Nothing but an enjoyable phone call, having them over for dinner, praying for them. The dependence is short lived. Remeber this during the most stressful times.

Fourth: Having the next baby will not be as hard. This is a generalization that many people will jump to argue with, so let me show you what I mean:

First Baby. "Don't eat that!!! It was on the floor! Mommy will get you a new snack."

Second baby. "Well, I guess a few floor cheerios won't hurt."

Third baby. "Good boy!! Eat up all the rest so Mommy doesn't have to vacuum."

If you're in the "baby fog" right now with your first little one, it's easy to think, "I could never do this again. I guess I'm just not cut out to have more than one kid." But you gain perspective. You realize your next baby doesn't need a bath every single day. The next baby doesn't need the constant jingling of baby toys in his face - he wants to be left alone! You realize skipping a nap doesn't mean starting his sleep training from scratch. Right now you are imbalanced - obsessed with and over analyzing every detail of your newborn. And rightly so! This is your training course. But the training will produce a more balanced mommy the second time around. And third, and fourth, and so on.....

Fifth is a simple encouraging list of "you will's":
You will sleep again.
You will go on dates with your husband again.
You will go to the bathroom alone.
You will shop for clothes that don't have to accommodate a nursing bra.
You will have hobbies again.
You will carry on a conversation that doesn't include sound effects.
You will have a home that doesn't smell like spit-up.
YOU will no longer smell like spit-up.
You will live a life not built around naps, feedings, and poop.

You will survive.

Surviving Tricky Toddlers

We are in a fun stage with the kids right now - the "Look what I can do!" stage. I can't count how many times I hear that throughout the day from the older two. The problem is, if one brother says it the other brother refuses to be left out. They will often try to match (if not top) each other. So one new trick is immediately followed by another...often with very different results.

William (4): Mommy, look at my new magic trick!

William: (jump, spin) Yeah!

George (2): Mommy, watch MY new magic trick!

Sometimes George can't think fast enough so he uses whatever is in his hands. I taught him a new magic trick - how to clean apple off the wall and furniture.

Whether he's actually ever tried the trick William is showing me or not, George immediately gives it a try.

William: Mommy, watch me whistle!

Me: Wow, William! That's great!

George: Mommy, watch ME whistle!

I know that to George, there's no difference in the quality of performance. But if he asks you if you want to hear him whistle, just make sure you are standing a few feet away.

Lately they've been getting more clever. Sunday night has to top them all. William had Dave and I sitting on the couch listening to one of his sermons, as he often does.

William: .....So, next Sunday we would like to ask that you each bring a toy to play with during the sermon. And now I will be right back. I'm going to get you some bulletins to look at.

William: (Rustle, rustle, rustle)

He took advantage of the fact that both parents were occupied, sitting on the couch, and he helped himself to a pile of candy. When he came back with no "bulletins" and a sticky mouth full of candy, he realized he was caught. I honestly think he wasn't intending to do that, but when he passed by the candy he couldn't resist. Perhaps he's not quite ready for the ministry yet.

Homeschooling with Teeny Tiny Ones

Our boys are currently 1, 2, and 4 (with a new one due in a few weeks). We jumped into homeschooling a little earlier than most - not because we were bored (!) or because we enjoy torturing ourselves. We actually thought adding some structure to the day would benefit the kids and decrease the number of discipline situations. And guess what? It does! Starting the day with some structured time with Mommy actually makes a difference in their attitudes. It also enriches their playtime later. They feel more productive. And, it "forces" me to spend quality time with them. That might sound terrible, but the structure of simple school activites ensures that I get to interact with them one-on-one other than just making them food, wiping them, and disciplining. If you have tiny ones that seem ready for preschool (or pre-preschool) here are some tips that helped me get started:

1. Set your goals. What do you want your child to know and be able to do by the end of this school year? By the end of this month? Goals will keep you on track. Keep them simple. Remember, it's only preschool.
2. Gather your supplies. Keep a variety of things on hand - visuals (posters and charts), manipulatives (blocks, beads, flashcards), books that YOU read to them, and books that THEY "read" to themselves, educational games, etc.
3. Choose a time and place. What time of day are you the least stressed? That's the best time to grab 20 minutes with the kids for school. Mine is when #3 takes his morning nap. Keep your expectations realistic. If life is busy, don't convert an entire bedroom into a school room and plan on teaching five days a week. You will quickly burn out.

Here is a picture of our "school room."

It is a corner of my laundry room. There are a couple desks behind me in this picture. It's colorful, but simple. I chose this particular spot because it's an area the kids don't usually play in, so I knew it would stay fairly protected. I have to keep the door closed throughout the day for the toddler's sake.

4. Finally, plan on sticking to the same few things every day. Keep it simple and review, review, review! This is not only for the sake of your own sanity, but it's actually better for the kids cognitively at this age. Don't stress about coming up with a creative new activity every single day. Little ones benefit from repetion - and they LOVE it! They know what to expect and it gives them a sense of accomplishment. Information sticks much better in the long run when it's not cluttered up with a bunch of fancy projects in between. Do what comes naturally to you and you will be more likely to be consistent.

Our basic schedule looks like this: Song, verse and catechism review, charts review (colors, shapes, numbers), math with blocks or beads, educational game, reading lesson. It takes about 40 minutes and we plan for four days a week.


The hardest part about homescooling little ones is what to do with the OTHER little ones who are too young for the activites. George, the two-year-old, can join William (4) for most of the activities. Then, when it's time for our reading lesson, I usually send him out to play. Sometimes he has a hard time waiting for us to be done. This morning in particular he was desperate enough to try a new strategy.

George: Georgie, time to come have a snack!

George: Mom, did you call me for snack???
Me: Um, no. But good impersonation of Mommy. That was...creepy.

Sometimes I let him stay for the more advanced part and I let him try out the "big kid" supplies.

It does not usually end well. But, if a two-year-old covered in marker gives me 10 minutes to work on reading with the four-year-old, some days I'll take it. There is no end to Georgie's antics. Someimes he even surprises himself. For example, there is nothing more exciting to little boys than finding out all the sounds their bodies can make. Yet another distraction to a typical school day.

George: Mommy! Mommy! There's a GUN in my bottom!

(Sigh.) Keeping the little ones occupied is a constant challenge. Then there's the actual student himself - William. He takes school very seriously. He is so proud of himself when he learns something new. He is always anxious to show his work.

William: Daddy, look at my letters!

Daddy gets the piece of paper. Mommy gets -

William: Mommy, look at my letters!

- the couch cusions. The furniture store should have a section called "Homeschool Furniture." Everything would be the color of Bic ballpoint pens.

There are days that it seems to explode in my face and I have to throw out the whole school day. But I take those days in order to get to the really "good" school days in between - when William reads a word by himself, or George finally counts to 10 without skipping the number 7. At the end of the day, it's worth it. They are benefitting from it and so am I.

Wrapping Up the Year with a Bang!

Our family has been running non-stop with no end in sight. We've been traveling, homeschooling, participating in exciting ministries, and taking turns getting the flu. Everything will come to a crashing halt in March when #4 arrives, but that will bring it's own form of non-stop action. We kicked off the holidays this year with our first family trip on an airplane since #3 was born. William and George wanted to meet everyone on the plane.

William: Hello. My name is William Douglas Wallace, but you can call me Bill.

Flight attendant: And what's your name?
George: Call me Bill.

The flight attendants were so kind to our family of Bill's. They were sensitive to our desire to have as many empty seats by us as possible, but it didn't work out on the first flight. Every seat was taken. Peter was a "lap child," which works okay....if you have a lap. At six months pregnant I was fresh out of lap. Dave and I passed him back and forth across the isle, but he refused to be easily entertained. The older two did much better, but William had concerns of his own.

William: My ears feel funny and I can't hear very well. *sigh* I must be getting old.

Overall it was well worth the trip and we got to see all of our family over the holiday season. We ended it with a bang - a great big stomach flu bang. I was one of the first to get it and Dave was as helpful and comforting as he could be.

Dave: Oh man, throwing up is the worst. Especially if you've just eaten something really gross, like tuna, or sauerkraut, or corned beef, or -

Dave: Oh....sorry.

He really did try. I think we both saw it as a foretaste of how much help I would need when the baby comes...and we were both nervous. He tried to be proactive about the housework.

Me: Wow! You said you were going to do the dishes, but I didn't know you were going to put all the food away, too.
Dave: Yep!

Dave: Well, actually I threw all of it away. But look how clean it is!

Oh well. Part of accepting help is accepting it in whatever form it comes. Even after I got better he tried to keep up his steam.



Dave: Ever since I was a kid I was always told to pick the most unpleasant task first and just get it done.
Me: That's interesting....you don't live your life that way.



Dave: I didn't say I did. I said I heard it a lot.

I've tried to take advantage of his momentum by teaching him a few household tricks. It doesn't always work.

Me: I want to show you the best way to quickly defrost meat in case you are making dinner one night. Do you know how to defrost meat?
Dave: Yes. Put it on the porch for three days.

Dave: Ha! That's the last time you try to teach me something. I'll have these babies ready in no time...or by next Thursday.

Looks like we have a little more baby prep to do before #4 arrives. That's ok. It's a great way to start the new year.

Big Church

A couple of Mommy Reels ago we made our big announcement. Since then we have learned that baby number four is also BOY number four. We can't stop smiling. Four boys?????? Life is such an adventure with the three we already have, we can only imagine what crazy fun awaits us in February.

My mom affectionately refers to our house as "Baby Land." Things can get pretty intense over here, so I'm happy to say that we are slowly graduating past the baby stage in some areas. For example, we now have one child that can put on his own shoes. Believe me, when you live in Baby Land, this is extrememly exciting.

Another part of graduation for our babies is moving into "Big Church." At our church kids have Sunday school after the sermon, allowing them to sit with thier families during the service. Nursery is available up until about 3 years old. William (our oldest) took to the switch very well. He thinks any day he is going to replace the pastor, so he listens intently to keep his theology straight for when the time comes. George....well, we've been nervous about George. (See "Life with a Two-Year-Old" to see why.) But between the choices of over an hour spent with baby toys or learning how to listen to the sermon, we decided it was time.

We learned from training William that less is more when it comes to bringing things for the kids to do. Toys, books, and snacks might keep them distracted, but they don't keep them quite. Lots of "stuff" also defeats the purpose of teaching them how to listen. The idea is not to condition church for the kids, but condition the kids for church. Besides, it's amazing how a two-year-old can keep himself entertained with nothing but some Bibles, hymnals, and bulletins. With a few minor bumps along the way, we've been pleasantly surprised at how George has adapted. For your amusement, here are the bumps.

(Trash)

(Hymnal - thud)

(Bible - thud)

Me (whisper): Go pick those up, Georgie.

Me (intense whisper): No - Mommy's skirt is NOT a fort.

George: Look, Mommy! I drew a rainbow!

George: Look! Another rainbow!
(FYI - Baby wipes can significantly lighten pen marks...if you catch it quickly.)

George: Can I have a snack?
Me: No, sweetie. No snacks in big church.
George: Ok.....how about an apple?
Me: No, I said -

George: ACHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Me: Ok, why don't you sit on my lap for awhile?

(poke, poke)

George: la la la la la la...........

George: LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!!!!!

Gum bridge.

Body bridge.

Me: Ok, George. Time to go. George.....it's over.

George: Hooray!!!!


And after three "talks" with daddy in the bathroom for three separate tantrums, another successful day at church came to an end for our George. Well, until evening service anyway. *sigh*