Grown-up Conversation

Mind if I join you? I could use some grown-up conversation.

Of course! I don't know how adult I am, but...at least I'm the right age.

Well, I've been thinking about this baby. I sure hope he comes soon.

Me too, honey. I really - oh wait. Wow. I just killed a deer and I found a gem on the corpse.

Ok. Well, I'm going to go watch Bob the Builder.

Mommy's Break

Brrrmmm! Brrrmmm!

Honey, the baby doesn't want cars on the tummy right now.

Ok, Mommy. How about some kisses?

OOF! No, I don't think baby needs kisses right now.

Please stop licking me. Guys, Mommy just needs a little break. Ok?

Ok. So...can we wrestle you?

When is your father coming home?????

Toddler Love

Mommy, you're so pretty. You are covered with hair and you have the same eyeballs as me.

Thank you.

But you need a haircut. You look funny.

I thought I looked pretty!

Yes, you do. We can fix it. But...what do you smell like?

Well, I think I smell like your mommy.

Yes. And cantaloupe.

The Grocery List

Ok, ladies. Yesterday's shopping list was: a lemon, lettuce, ice cream, and soy sauce. Not too hard...right? ;)

Dave: I'm back!
Me: Great! Dinner is ready. I was just waiting for the soy sauce.

Dave: Soy sauce? I didn't get soy sauce.
Me: What?? Ok...well -

Me: What's this?
Dave: Lettuce.

Me: Actually, it's cabbage.
Dave: What do you want from me? They look the same.

Me: Bacon, bacon...more bacon? Honey, we have tons of bacon already.
Dave: Well, my bacon sensor was telling me we were low.

Dave: I'm really sorry, honey. I guess I messed it all up. I really was thinking about you. I wasn't thinking about what you SAID, but I was thinking about you.

Dave: But at least I brought you potato chips!!!!!

(He's really lucky that I just happened to be craving potato chips.)

Morning Talk with the 2 Year Old

Mommy, do you have a mean face?

No, sweetie. Mommy is just thinking. Sometimes when we think we are quiet.

.............................

So what are you thinking about, sweetie?

I was thinking about your eyebrows.

Dad's Birthday Call

Hi, Dad! Just calling to say happy birth-

No! Get off your brother.

Sorry, Dad. So, are you going to do anything special -

Um...sorry I didn't catch that, Dad. Yeah, so has it been a good day so far?

Mm hm. That sounds great. Well I'm sending you some -

SAND! No, no, the boys just - oh, Dad. I have to go. Happy birthday.

Date Night

Me: Maps have always been hard for me. My brain just doesn't work that way.

Dave: I know what you mean. I feel the same way about laundry.

Labor and Delivery Coaches

So far my labors and deliveries have always shared one thing in common: They are SLOW! We have extra large babies that don't like to come out without a little nudge. Being induced gives me plenty of time in the hospital, surrounded by my favorite cheerleaders. They definitely help me keep my mind off things.

Nurse: "Alrighty, Ms. Wallace. Would you like us to draw your blood first or insert your IV?"

Me: "Um, just...punch me in the face."

Dad: "Honey, why don't you just jump up and down and shake the kid out?"

Me: "Dad, I can't! I'm numb from the waist down."

Dad: "I'm numb from the neck up."

Trudy (mother-in-law): "Did you know the uterus is the strongest muscle in the human body?"

Dave (husband): "I don't know...you should see my hamstrings."

Rachel (sister): "Sara, I heard you can naturally whiten your teeth with a strawberry."

Rachel: "Wait a second..."

Rachel: "IT'S WORKING!"

Nurse: "Okie-dokie, Ms. Wallace. We need to make sure you don't eat anything until after - "

Me: "Oops. Sorry. You don't know my family very well - we don't stop eating for anything."

Mom: "Whooooooooooo wants fro-yo?"